There is a moment in everyone’s life when they realise that life is not always easy and beautiful. For me it came early. I have been through a lot and I know people who have been through even more. And I don’t know many people who have had absolutely terrible experiences. But the point of this post isn’t to tell the world that I’ve had a terrible life, or that others have had it even worse. No, not here, not today.

All the experiences I have had have shown me a few things. Some of them I’ve already talked about, some of them I’ll keep to myself and never tell anyone. But among them, there was one little thing I realised recently. I’m looking for simplicity. Not minimalism. Simplicity.

Simplicity and stillness.

Part of my search was to join Mastodon and gather around me people who seemed to think and feel like me. And I was right. I found some friends there. And there’s also this blog, a place built to express myself and give me the space to tell the world who I am, how I fell, how I think. One of the reasons was that I hoped to attract people who felt and thought like me. And I did.

And then there’s the whole “real life” thing, which is a bit hurtful, because the relationships we’ve built online are just as real as those we’ve built in the office. Or anywhere. But there’s this thing people call ‘real life’ and here I’ve found some people who feel and think like that. I’m grateful for that.

And there’s a moment, a place where you have to think about your place in the world in general, but also in the community you belong to. I’ve been looking for something and I haven’t found it yet. Now I know what I’m looking for, but I’m not there yet. But I’ve found other things that I wasn’t looking for. Like friendship. Like being heard.

And to be understood. It’s a gift that not many people get.

There are no words to describe how happy I am, to have such luck, such an opportunity that so many people haven’t had and never will have. But I’m in the moment, in the place where I have to think about my place in all this. Now is the time to complete my search, and I hope to find what I’ve been looking for. Simplicity and stillness.

I don’t want to withdraw from the community that has given me so many beautiful things, so many beautiful people, and I won’t. But I have to find my way to experience being with others, both online and offline, and not lose myself. I have to work at it, I have to work hard and I don’t know where it will lead me.

But that’s life, isn’t it? Nobody knows where they’re going. I would be scared if I did.

The journey has only just begun. And I hope you will join me on it.